Funeral Wisdom of the World

Great British author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was one of the most successful writers in the beginning of the twentieth century. His most famous work - stories about detective Sherlock Holmes brought him fame and fortune. As we know, Sherlock was a hard core realist and intellectual who relied on the method of “deductive reasoning”. This helped him to solve any case of crime no matter how weird, bizarre or fantastic it looked.

Unfortunately Sherlock’s creator himself in the second half of his life did not follow the steps of his hero. Conan Doyle fell the victim to the Spiritualism. The reason for this were very tragic events in his family that affected and traumatized Doyle on the deep personal level. His beloved wife Louisa died in 1906. Some years later other started happening one after the other. Doyle lost one by one his son Kingsley, his brother Innes, his two brothers-in-law, and his two nephews. After World War I, because of these unfortunate and sad deaths, Conan Doyle sank into deep depression. So it happened that the only solace he found was Spiritualism and its alleged scientific proof of existence beyond the grave.

For many years Conan Doyle was friends with the famous American escape artist and magician Harry Houdini. Unlike the famous writer, Houdini was an opponent of the Spiritualist movement. His contempt for Spiritualism even doubled in the 1920s when his mother died. He was touring America and Europe making public speeches against mediums.

Houdini made his goal to publicly expose Spiritualist mediums as frauds and presented many examples as proof that they employed trickery fooling gullible people. But for some reason Houdini’s efforts had an opposite effect on his friend Conan Doyle. The famous author became utterly convinced that Houdini himself possessed supernatural powers. Conan Doyle even wrote a book about it. No matter how hard Houdini tried, he could not dissuade Conan Doyle. Harry unsuccessfully tried his best convincing Conan Doyle that his feats were simply magic tricks. In the end two friends had a bitter quarrel in public. This even ended their friendship and they never spoke to each other again.

In the 18th English nobleman Matthew Robinson suddenly became a big supporter of baths. He was born in the aristocratic family and later inherited a title of Lord Rokeby. Matthew was acting normal for the first part of his life but later changed his ways and became quite an eccentric. We don’t know what happened, it might well be midlife crisis. We just know when his eccentricity originated. When Matthew inherited big estate new Canterbury. That is when he became an extreme enthusiast about baths.

This passion was definitely very bizarre even for our modern times, so you might imagine how it looked like in the seventeenth century. Lord Rokeby daily went to the seashore to swim in salt water regardless of the weather. He spent so much time there that sometimes he even fainted and had to be rescued. Most of the times his servants had to come to the seashore to convince Matthew to return back home. Along the route to the beach he built drinking fountains and in the end of the road, right on the seashore he built a hut. His servants would follow Lord Rokeby in the carriage with full livery while he walked all the way to the hut. And if he noticed a person drinking from his fountain, he would give him a tip.

Lord Rokeby refused to have a fire in his house even in the coldest weather. He grew an immense and bizarre looking beard, that was not in fashion at any times Thick beard stuck out under his arms and could be seen from behind. A couple of years later he built a swimming pool under glass which was heated only by the sun. There he spent most of the time, preferably alone.

In the end his neighbors and other locals became scared of him because his increased isolation gave birth to all kind of rumors. One of them was that Lord Rokeby became a cannibal and ate only raw meat. But, in fact he rarely ate meat at all and refused to see any doctors. He did not go to church either because he complained that sermons were boring and that he preferred to worship God at natural altar of the earth, sea and the sky.

He never married. On the extremely rare occasions when Matthew had to accept visitors he tried to get rid of them fast by entertaining them with lengthy boring poems. All his aristocratic relatives were ashamed of him, especially during his occasional visits to court. His presence usually gathered big crowds of people on the streets who thought that Matthew was an ambassador of Turkey - because of his unusual appearance.

Have you ever wondered why Spartans were able to spend so much time of the lives on military exercises?  I guess, everyone watched the movie about 300 brave Spartans and their king Leonidas who did not let Persian king to invade ancient Greece. Everyday life of Spartans was shown in great details omitting one “dirty” secret.  The helots.

Spartans were one a very few ancient Greek nations who had their own slaves of the same Dorian origin. In other words, these slaves were their Greek fellows by birth, mostly from Messenia. This was quite unusual for the rest of Greece, where slaves were mostly foreigners, who were captures during wars.

The helots outnumbered Spartans many times by its population. They either worked on Spartans lands or were carrying all domestic work. Yet Spartans hated them as much as anybody could hate his worst enemy.  This unusual hatred of the Spartans towards the helots originates in fear. Given the relatively small number of Spartans in comparison with huge slave population, they feared that helots would attempt to destroy them.

This  fear contributed to mistreatment of helots.  Because of it,  Spartan men always carried their spears, undid the straps of their bucklers only at home.  That may also explain why there were so inclined to succeed in military training.

There was no end to humiliation suffered by helots from Spartans. They made helots wear hats from dog’s skin, so they would not mix with Spartans. Dogs were considered servile and cowardly animals, thus the canine symbolism was clear to the Greeks.  Each year, the helots were ritually flogged, apparently for no other reason than to affirm their servitude.  Any Spartan could to kill helots without any repercussion or punishment. In fact, mass murders of helots were quite usual in Spartan society.  For example, in 425 B.C. over two thousand helots were massacred in a carefully staged event.

It would seem to make good sense to keep the slaves well nourished, but Spartans were too weird.  Any helots who became overweight were put to death, with their Spartan masters fined for “letting them get fat”.  What is more, the Spartans used to rape helot women as a means of meeting the state’s needs in terms of human resources. Born from this rape girls were left to die, while boys were taken to serve as soldiers for a Spartan war machine.

In the beginning of the 4th century AD Persian Sassanid Kingdom was in bad shape. There was a chain of weak rulers that were losing big parts of the kingdom to Roman emperors.  Last one Hormizd II could not even control his nobles and was killed by Arab Bedouins  while hunting in 309.

The the situation got completely out of control. While Arabs continued to plunder Sassanid kingdom, Persian nobles killed the eldest son of Hormizd II. They did not stop there and blinded the second son and imprisoned the third son who managed to escape to Romans after years of imprisonment.  They wanted somebody that would completely control in future, so they stopped their choice on the unborn child!   One of Hormizd’s   wives was pregnant and she did not pose any threat to the nobles.

So they did the unthinkable, which does not have the precedent in the ancient or modern history.  In 309 A.D. they crowned the unborn child who was still in uterus! The coronation of the unborn king was also the strangest one - the crown was put on mother’s belly. Therefore, the boy, who was given a name Shapur became a king even before he was born.  In the end Persian nobles miscalculated.

Although, Shapur II was completely controlled by nobles and his mother, as soon as he came of age he quickly assumed the power and became the absolute and very effective ruler.  He was a king for full seventy years till his death in 379. And this is considered the First Golden Era of Sassanid Empire.

Each Easter one can hear the same questions from children, that adults usually can’t answer. What has bunny to do with the religious holiday of Easter? And why Easter Bunny lays eggs anyways? Usually adults don’t know what to say and joke their way out.

Yet, if we go back in history, there are several explanations.  In the archives of my local web analytics company, I found one story that is worth mentioning. The origin of Easter Bunny as well as the word “Easter” comes from the  pre-Christian customs honoring the fertility goddess Eostre of old German tribes, including Anglo-Saxon ones. According to popular folklore, Eostre once saved a bird whose wings had frozen during the winter by turning it into a rabbit. Because the rabbit had once been a bird, it could still lay eggs. As it happens a lot with old lore, that rabbit in the end became the modern Easter Bunny.

This legend arrived to the United States with German immigrants and Amish somewhere in the eighteenth century.  These guys were telling their children stories about bunnies, although very often in their stories the rabbit laying eggs was replaced with a hare.

Without going into history details, people sometimes think that Alexander the Great did not have children and, thus his vast empire had to be divided by his generals. Quite the opposite, Alexander had two sons.  Although one of them was from a concubine and could not really pretend to take the throne, the other one was a legitimate heir - Alexander IV.

The problem was that he was a posthumous child, who was born after the death of his father. While Alexander the Great was dying, his wife, Bactrian princess Roxana was pregnan, and nobody knew if the child would survive or what gender it would be.  There was another legitimate pretender to the throne - Alexander’s half-brother Philip Arridaeus, who was mentally ill.

This led to the split of Alexander’s generals in two conflicting parties. One wanted to give full power to Phillip, while the other wished to wait for the birth of the heir of Alexander and to give him the throne under the control of the regent. The last one led by general Perdiccas won, eliminated all partizans of Phillip and repartitioned all the territories between former generals and satraps of Alexander. In its turn these tragic events led to the infamous War for Succession or Wars of the Diadochi.

This time I would like to tell you about one of the strangest barbaric rituals of ancient Rome that started after 390 B.C. and took place for centuries. Once a year dozens of Roman guard dogs were crucified on the Capitoline hill. At the same time Capitoline geese were present at the ceremony. They were watching the ceremony of poor dogs crucification, from the most prestigious place, sitting on gilded purple cushions.

This way Roman citizens were commemorating a tragic event that occurred in 390 B.C. which is known to historians as sack of Rome by Gauls. It was a collective initial shock for people of Rome that was hard to forget. The memory of the catastrophic defeat stayed with Rome for generations. The dogs were crucified because they did not alert Romans when the Gallic troops attacked. And the geese were rewarded because honking provided the only warning of approaching Gauls.

Before I go on with what happened after the death of Alexander the Great, I would like to mention his influence on other nations of the world. Alexander was already a legend in his own time. He was regarded by deity by many, who thought that he processed divine powers. Let’s see what they thought of him in the ancient Rome.

For Romans Alexander the Great was some sort of superstar. Every general and every politician wanted somehow to match his achievements. It is curious to note that ancient Romans were absolutely bilingual people. While they used their own Latin for legal, political and ceremonial purpose, in every day life they spoke Greek for discussing intellectual subjects. The most popular dialect of Greek was Macedonian type of Greek, or as they called it Alexander’s Greek.

Naturally, for all their admiration, this did not prevent Romans to conquer and destroy Macedon kingdom. They did not kill the Macedon king though, he spent the rest of his life under home arrest. Yet, there was some kind of separation of Alexander and his own nation in the eyes of Romans. He and his deeds belonged to the world.

It seems that Alexander was universally beloved in ancient Rome. Great Consul Julius Caesar cried like a baby in Spain at the mere sight of Alexander’s statue. Military leader Pompey the Great went to great extremes during his campaigns in order to get old cloak that belonged to Alexander. As soon as he got it, Pompey wore this cloak everywhere as the costume of greatness. And emperor Octavian Augustus visited Alexandria with just one purpose - to lay a wreath at the hero’s shrine in Alexandria. However, while doing this, Octavian accidentally broke the nose of Alexander’s mummified corpse. And, we need to mention crazy emperor Caligula, who stole the breastplate armor of Alexander, thinking that it would bring him luck. Well, it did not!

History also tells us about the cult of Alexander among the people of Rome. There were really his greatest fans. For example, a noble Roman family of Macriani never parted with images of Alexander in everyday life. They even stamped them into their jewelery and sometimes even stiched to their clothes. During every meal Alexander’s face on every plate and jar. This family was propelled to the Roman emperor’s throne in the third century, but in the end of the struggle perished from the hands of their own soldiers.

In the archives of my web analytics company I read an intriguing ancient story related to sudden and unexpected death of Alexander the Great.  Alexander’s death has been reinterpreted many times over the centuries. And the debate surrounding the cause of Alexander’s sudden death has never been clearly resolved. Here are some clues from the ancient sources.

In the fourth century BC there were quite persistent rumors claiming that Alexander the Great did not die of illness but was poisoned by one of his generals. Well, many had powerful motivations for seeing Alexander gone. Yet, people whispered to each other only one name of the alleged assassin: “Antipater”.  The latter was a famous Macedonian general, supporter of Phillip II of Macedon and his son - future Alexander the Great.  So, how close to truth were these rumours?

Antipater was a great friend to both the little Alexander and his mother, Olympias. In fact, Olympias and Antipater were so close that there was a gossip at the time that he was the real father of Alexander. Later Antipater aided Alexander in his struggle to secure his succession after Philip’s death.

After Alexander left to conquer the world, Antipater remained in Greece serving as the regent of Macedon in his absence. He successfully won many battles against other Greek states and subdued them. Plutarch even mentions, that Alexander the Great became jealous when he heard of Antipater’s victories.

Everything seemed fine, but Antipater’s former close relationship with the  Olympias greatly deteriorated.  Ancient Greeks used to say that Olympias had psychic abilities. Maybe, she already smelled a rat?

Probably, due to Olympias requests, suddenly Antipater lost his title of Macedon regent and was replaced by another general old Alexander’s  veteran Craterus.  Antipater was  ordered the latter to lead fresh troops into Asia.  Exactly at that time Alexander the Great suddenly dies in Babylon which allows Antipater to procrastinate with the transition of power from him to Craterus. Amazing coincidence, isn’t it?

Exactly dated to that time ancient sources start consistently mentioning the rumors that Antipater had been responsible for poisoning the great king.  Sources say that there was a huge threat to  Antipater’s position.  In numerous letters Olympias had been writing to her son that Antipater was preparing unrest and disloyalty in Macedon. Antipater was summoned to apear in front of Alexander in Babylon and answer these charges.

Citing his fear of an uprising in Greece, Antipater had sent his son Cassander in his place. Cassander managed to bring the poison to Babylon in a mule’s hoof. He passed the poison to his younger brother Iollas was the royal cup bearer, who administered it while serving wine to Alexander.

We think that we know a lot about Alexander the Great. We also watched a terrible movie by Oliver Stone that proved to be a failure at the box office, it seems.  In the film Alexander dies leaving his vast empire without a clear inheritor.  So what were the last wishes of the ruler of the world?

Some of antique writers and historians tell us that Alexander left a detailed will some time before his death. For example, he wanted completion of the pyre to his friend and lover  Hephaestion. Nothing is wrong with that. Yet, it would probably come to you as surprise that none of his wishes were fulfilled after his funeral, because his generals and successors considered them too eccentric, extravagant and impractical. Between you and me, they were probably right.  I will name some Alexander’s wishes and you can judge for yourself.

He wanted his generals to build a huge fleet of the thousand or more heavy warships in t in Phoenicia, Syria, Cilicia, and Cyprus.  Why? To conquer any nations that lived along the Mediterranean coasts of modern Spain, Sicily and Lybia. And then to start a military campaign against Carthaginians.  Simultaneously, Alexander also wanted the construction of the longest road in the world through North Africa ending as far as modern Gibraltar.  It would not be just the number one road in the world - it was supposed to be surrounded by huge ports and shipyards along the way. The guy was really super ambitious even after death!

But this is not all. For some reason in his will and written instructions he made a wish to intermix Eastern and Western populations.  For that purpose he demanded after his death to build large cities and compulsory move the whole nations from Asia to Europe. and from Europe to Asia. As he envisioned, this would bring the common unity of peoples in  his conquered lands, due to future intermarriage, family ties and friendship.

Unlike the guy in the movie, Alexander seemed to love his daddy very much. Even after his death, he wanted his soldiers to build Philip a tomb, which would became a new wonder of the world by matching Egyptian pyramids.  In addition, huge, monumental temples should have been constructed in seven big cities of his empire.